If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
