How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I wish there were birth control emojis
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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