Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
