i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
