Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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