But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
