A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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