:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
