at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
