Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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