Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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