Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
