and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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