Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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