i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
