i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
