PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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