we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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