I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
