At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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