Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
