i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
