ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
