I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
