I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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