I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
