i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
