you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
