I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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