i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
