Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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