Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
