well you can't waste a boner
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
