Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
