Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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