but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
