either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
