i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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