I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
