I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
