I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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