I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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