Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
