O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
