Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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