At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
