somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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