just come out here and I will go home with you...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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