He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
