Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
